Opposites attract, and, in many marriages, this is absolutely the case. However, differing opinions or a lack of communication can mean it doesn’t always last in the long run. Maintaining a healthy relationship, or rebuilding after conflict, is not always easy – but there are practical things you can do. Here, Emily Beven, a Senior Associate at Stowe Family Law, addresses how you could save your marriage – as well as what to do if you can’t. www.stowefamilylaw.co.uk
Cover tricky topics first
“Having those difficult conversations about money, political leaning, beliefs and values in the early stages can build a much more solid foundation moving forward. Discuss these things as they come up. As society changes, there may well be more areas of controversy for individuals. Remember, some conflict is healthy, as long as you know your relationship is the priority.”
Be curious
“Ask your partner questions about their values and beliefs. Not only will this help you understand their perspective, but it shows you’re interested in who they are as a person, even if you disagree with their opinions. Being curious helps reduce prejudice and will make your discussions less argumentative and more open.”
Rebuild after conflict
“We all know the saying ‘never let the sun go down on your anger’. It is very tempting to get stuck on how right you are and how wrong they are, so take some time and space to yourselves before coming back together. You don’t need to revisit your conversation at this stage, but offering an apology and genuinely listening to your partner rebuilds trust. Try not to apportion blame.”
Know when to let go
“Sometimes in navigating difficult conversations it can be hard to see an end point and you and your partner are going round in circles. However, taking a moment to ask yourself whether this is worth the fight, especially if you’ve both been able to communicate your perspectives. Ask yourself: ‘do I want to die on that particular hill?’ and ‘what is my priority here?'”
Understand your next steps
“Often conflict over difficult topics can reveal deeper cracks in a relationship: grudges, unresolved hurt or simply having drifted apart. If this is the case, it might be time to discuss separation or divorce. If you’re unsure on whether to take this step, you can get a Separation Agreement for a period of trial separation. This is a formal (although not legally binding) document that sets out what will happen to your joint assets, including your money and any property, whilst you are separated. It can also define each person’s responsibilities, like who pays the mortgage, and any child arrangements. And, if you do decide to divorce, non-court dispute resolution methods such as mediation can help maintain an amicable relationship and build a more positive foundation for the future.”
